The End is Now

Yes I am alive. 

Over the last 2 weeks I've faced, and learnt a few things about myself.

1) I'm a total loser.

2) I'm probably never going to achieve my goals and ambitions in life.

3) I've wasted 2 valuable years where I should have been studying regularly, trying to have "fun".

4) I'm surrounded by amazing people who I totally do not deserve.

5) I'm pretty sure that come next week my whole life will be decided for me.

Just to warn everyone here. If things do not turn out the way I hope, I'm pretty sure I'll become a pretty different person. It's true that I have no one else to blame but myself. But that realization does not help ANYTHING. I'll be a broken shell. So please. No sympathy, no "oh it'll be OK", and DEFINITELY no "don't worry". I'm pretty sure I should be worrying, and regretting about the things I could have and should have done. 

You see that point (4) up there? That's what I want to talk about now. Firstly, my amazing parents. They've stood by me during this prelims period, where bouts of insecurity and inferiority hit me. My mother especially has always been around with a comforting word. They've both helped me with my studies, especially my dad, who came home early from work a few days just to shore up my confidence more than anything else.

My sister. She didn't help much academics wise, but she was around when I needed to talk about anything other that P,C,M, or E. I've fought a lot with her, but I do love her.

Miss Kwan. Thank god that I've been blessed with a great teacher like Miss Kwan. Twice I smsed her unable to contain my anxiety about how badly my prelim grades will affect my uni applications. Twice she sent me comforting smses that, if not anything, ensured that I kept working hard. 

Mr Hsi. Another blessing in disguise. Those smses before both Math papers helped me greatly. Thank you sir. I've said the rest in the card. XD

Shreya. What can I say other than, THANK YOU for being around. 

Other friends. You guys might not realize it, but every time you made me smile, it took my mind off my screwed up future. 

God Bless All of You. It doesn't matter that all your efforts on this boy seem destined for failure. I'll never forget ALL of you. 

Cheers.