The End is Now

Yes I am alive. 

Over the last 2 weeks I've faced, and learnt a few things about myself.

1) I'm a total loser.

2) I'm probably never going to achieve my goals and ambitions in life.

3) I've wasted 2 valuable years where I should have been studying regularly, trying to have "fun".

4) I'm surrounded by amazing people who I totally do not deserve.

5) I'm pretty sure that come next week my whole life will be decided for me.

Just to warn everyone here. If things do not turn out the way I hope, I'm pretty sure I'll become a pretty different person. It's true that I have no one else to blame but myself. But that realization does not help ANYTHING. I'll be a broken shell. So please. No sympathy, no "oh it'll be OK", and DEFINITELY no "don't worry". I'm pretty sure I should be worrying, and regretting about the things I could have and should have done. 

You see that point (4) up there? That's what I want to talk about now. Firstly, my amazing parents. They've stood by me during this prelims period, where bouts of insecurity and inferiority hit me. My mother especially has always been around with a comforting word. They've both helped me with my studies, especially my dad, who came home early from work a few days just to shore up my confidence more than anything else.

My sister. She didn't help much academics wise, but she was around when I needed to talk about anything other that P,C,M, or E. I've fought a lot with her, but I do love her.

Miss Kwan. Thank god that I've been blessed with a great teacher like Miss Kwan. Twice I smsed her unable to contain my anxiety about how badly my prelim grades will affect my uni applications. Twice she sent me comforting smses that, if not anything, ensured that I kept working hard. 

Mr Hsi. Another blessing in disguise. Those smses before both Math papers helped me greatly. Thank you sir. I've said the rest in the card. XD

Shreya. What can I say other than, THANK YOU for being around. 

Other friends. You guys might not realize it, but every time you made me smile, it took my mind off my screwed up future. 

God Bless All of You. It doesn't matter that all your efforts on this boy seem destined for failure. I'll never forget ALL of you. 

Cheers.

Its a Funny World

Hello all.

And yes, I'm not dead yet. Call me back in 2 weeks and check. I might be.

These prelims are seriously freaking me out. I know I HAVE to do well to stand a chance of achieving my goals in life. But the way the teachers talk about prelims being set to be difficult is scaring me. The A-level papers honestly do not seem difficult. Prelims are scaring me to hell. I sincerely believe my chemistry and mathematics might be fine. Physics too, considering that TJC physics papers aren't as bad as chem or maths. I'm FREAKED out about Economics. I've NEVER done well, and I thought last years promos was alright. Gah. Nothing to do but just study hard and pray I guess.

This is going to be random. Some people have questioned why I want to go into Naval Architecture and Marine Engineering.Take a look at this. Some of you might remember this. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_submarine_Kursk_explosion.
In short, a Russian submarine got completely destroyed due to some poor maintenance and some human error. 118 men died. Can you imagine dying in a submarine? All alone? Underwater? Waiting for the air to slowly run out? These men were soldiers, but they didn't die on the battlefield. They died a horrible death, on the ocean floor. And what made is worse is the stupid ego that the country had. Russia didn't allow rescue teams from foreign countries to even try! This was the first transcript that Russia publicized. The first fax to press corps was, "the submarine had minor technical difficulties". PFFFFFFFT. You know what a minor technical difficulty is? A faulty school OHP. Have you a seen a faulty projector KILL PEOPLE? I want to be able to help these guys, whether its submarines, or ships, not something far better. Stranded in the open sea, waiting for sharks or fatigue is pretty scary too. I might not do much, but at least I'm willing to try make a difference.

Well time to get back to mugging. But here's something HILARIOUS. Its the new discovery channel ad called "Boom De Ah Dah!" HAHA. Watch and enjoy. Adam setting fire to Jamie is priceless. This is a little different from the one on TV.



Cheers all.











"I candy coat and cover everything that I'm still hiding underneath.
It's been a long time, it's been a long time.
A thousand faces looking up at me hands are pointing ceiling oh what a feeling.

I've got friends in highly low places
I'll stand up push it and push it up, can't afford to lose now.
I've got friends in highly low places
I'll go inside when I wanna party, grab a girl and dance (don't touch me)."